Word Count: 3,730
Warnings: remembering of non-con, hell memories, wincest, cursing/language
A/N: This was written for the spn_reversebang to go along with badbastion’s GORGEOUS art. Seriously mad props to this girl. She’s such a phenomenal artist and I am so happy and LUCKY to have gotten to work with her on this. The story just flowed out of me and was a breeze to write. The title is shamelessly stolen from Placebos Sleeping With Ghosts. I felt overall the lyrics were really poignant for Sam during Season 7. Hell it's a great song, a lot of Wincest feels. I'd recommend it. Hopefully you all enjoy it.
Summary: How can Sam ever hope to dig through the void and find out what's real? Is such a thing, even possible and if so does he even deserve to know the truth? Despite his dark thoughts, and Lucifer screaming in his ear one thing always remains the same: Dean. Maybe that is all he really needs.
Dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Dry your eye
Soulmate dry your eye
Cause soulmates never die
“I can’t believe you did that!” Dean’s livid, breathing out through his nostrils harshly as he helps Sam into the room.
Despite how angry he is it never translates over into what he is doing. His hands are gentle and comforting, reassuring even, making Sam sigh in relief despite the anger radiating through his brother at the moment.
Sam flinches when the door slams behind them. “Come on Dean don’t start this.”
“Start this? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh I think Dean-o knows what that means. Don't he Sam?” Lucifer smirks over in the corner; his form is highlighted by the moonlight glow coming in through the ratty curtains. Sam feels himself shiver and closes his eyes, counts to 10 and opens them again but Lucifer is still in the corner watching himself and Dean with a look that can only be described as perversion. It makes his insides shrivel and his mind shut down but Dean’s still staring at him waiting for an answer to his angry tirade and Sam didn’t want to give Dean anymore ammo to mother hen him to death tonight. It was bad enough as it was.
“You know what I mean man I-I-I…” Sam rubs his hand over his face gently, trying to erase just how worn down he was. Judging from the look Dean gives him though it’s not exactly working. “I’m too tired to argue.”
Sam watches as Dean swallows, his fists tightening, until he finally un-clenches them and relaxes. “Ok I’ll give you that but we’re not done talking about this, ok?”
Sam nods, anything to soothe Dean’s rampant worry at the moment, he just wants to go to bed and never wake up again. Never have to see….Sam glances over in the corner and notices Lucifer is gone now.
But he knows that Lucifer will return soon.
“Alright let’s get you out of these clothes huh? You’re all covered in muck and man does it reek.”
Sam stifles a laugh at seeing Dean’s nose bunch up in distaste. At least he can agree to that; he does stink. Whatever was in that swamp was putrid, almost making Sam throw up on the ride back to their motel.
Slowly and very carefully with Dean’s help Sam lifts his arms to get his wet t-shirt off, having already disposed of his jacket on the way here.
He groans as all his bruises pull painfully. He was like one big bruise, he doesn’t know if there was a part of his body that wasn’t bruised.
“Almost there.” Dean coaxes gently until his shirt finally slips over his head allowing him to breathe easier.
“Pants too kiddo.” Dean sympathetically states, making Sam groan again.
“I’ll help ok? Just let me do all the work.”
Just like Dean promised he begins to unbutton Sam’s jeans, pulling the zipper down until he could get them off of Sam’s thighs and over the hilt of his ass.
Sam shivers a little as the cool air hits his skin, still wet from the swamp.
“A little worse for wear but you didn’t change a day Sammy.”
Sam gasps, turning towards Lucifer’s voice to find him in the same spot, idly sipping from a coffee mug which weirdly enough says I love my cat.
“What? Am I hurting you?”
Sam turns away from Lucifer for a second to stare at his worried brother, who’s biting his lip in guilt.
“No no I-I-I,” Sam looks toward the corner and doesn’t see Lucifer anymore. “You didn’t hurt me just…..” Sam trails off, figuring Dean would get the picture.
Just as expected Dean tenses, his hands gripping the fabric of Sam’s wet jeans until his knuckles go white but Dean doesn’t utter his name. Just clenches his jaw shut, his eyes becoming hard as steel.
Sam knows it’s just as hard on Dean as it is on him. Being there but not being able to fight Lucifer off? Not even being able to see the being that has terrorized his little brother for over 180 years? Yeah, if Sam was in the same situation it would literally kill him.
Dean tosses the jeans to the ground and inspects Sam’s skin carefully. Sam feels his hair stand on end when Dean’s rough palm gently caresses his naked flesh.
He doesn’t know whether it was from Dean’s warm palm touching his chilled skin or the excitement he got every time Dean touches him. He isn’t sure what exactly he prefers right now. While the idea of them doing something more intimate excites him, he doesn’t know if he could handle Lucifer on top of it. Lucifer seeing him at his most private isn’t really the problem. You don’t spend 180 years with the guy and come out shy. Though Lucifer seeing Dean like that? Well that was a problem Sam wasn’t sure he was ready to face just yet, if ever.
“Stand up straighter for me will you?” Dean requests softly, his hand softly moving away from Sam’s thigh.
Sam obliges his request, holding onto his brother as he wobbles a bit. He tries to see for himself the damage but trying to focus was making him dizzy.
“Not too bad, you’ll have some pretty spectacular bruising tomorrow morning and will likely be sore but you’re lucky.” Dean’s eyes become a little cold after he says lucky but the ice soon melts away when he looks up into Sam’s own eyes.
Dean’s face merges from anger to concern so fast it almost makes Sam’s head spin.
“You okay?” Dean cups his cheek gently, despite the muck and dirt on his face, asking in his sweetest tone. Sam knows Dean like the back of his hand, knows that his ‘you ok’ was simply a ‘I love you, I’m so fucking sorry this happened to you’.
“I’m fine Dean, I’ll be okay.” Translates to: ‘I love you too, don’t worry about it, not your fault’ Dean doesn’t really take the not your fault words to heart but he lets it go for now, sighing softly and dropping his palm away from Sam’s face.
“Okay then lets patch you up Sammy and hit the hay.”
Sam lets Dean help him up onto the table, wincing as his bruises pull. The air suddenly seems colder making Sam’s hair stand up; his lip wobbles a little as he stares at the corner where Lucifer is leaning. His face is set into a hard smirk as he salutes Sam with his cup like this is some sort of celebratory moment.
Sam flinches at Dean’s voice and focuses on Dean instead of Lucifer. Dean’s eyes are warm with compassion and understanding, like Dean just knows. It makes his insides turn to goo sometimes, knowing that his brother has his back, is constantly watching out for him. Sometimes it’s really hard to keep up with, always wondering if maybe he would fail him some way. Like he hasn’t done that in the past.
“Hey whatever you’re thinking about stop it.” Dean chides gently, making Sam smile softly.
Watching as Dean soaks a warm rag in a bowl– and when did Dean have time to do this? - he wrings out and then begins to gently clean out the cuts and mud on his face.
Sam’s eyes focus on his brother’s naked chest instead of the sight greeting him in the corner. Dean must have stripped down to his boxers when he got the rag and water. Like usual Sam was completely unaware, he didn’t even realize Dean even left his side. It was almost like Dean’s presence was still there, his scent still lingering, the warmth of his palm still leeching into his skin making Sam think Dean was there all along.
“Just like the good old days right Sammy?” Lucifer winks when Sam stares at his face, trying his best to block out the memories that are threatening to overcome him.
It is too much like the ‘old days’ for Sam’s comfort. Finally, he gave up trying to block out the memories and just turns so he wasn’t facing Lucifer anymore.
Dean’s big palm settles atop his thigh in comfort, probably sensing already what was wrong. Sam drew comfort from his contact and feels bold, so he gently brushes his long fingers against Dean’s hip bone. Wanting to have as much contact as possible to try and erase what was silently watching them in the corner.
“It’ll be over soon.” Dean murmurs consolingly. Making Sam wish that he was speaking about the bigger picture instead of some bruises and cuts on his face.
Once Dean was certain all the muck was clear he sets the rag back into the water basin and silently walks over towards their duffle bag, rummaging through until he came back with their first aid kit.
“Aw isn’t that sweet he wants to wrap up your little boo boo Sam.” Sam shudders but doesn’t show any outward appearance of responding to the words, he just continues to focus on his brother’s face as he walks back toward him, settling in between his legs as he opens the kit.
“Alright, you don’t need sutures but there are a few bruises I’d like to wrap up, it’ll be quick I promise.”
“I’m fine Dean.” Sam reminds his brother. Not that he actually believes it.
“Humor me would you bitch?”
Sam smirks at hearing the last part of his sentence. “Fine…jerk.” After that everything felt like maybe it’d be okay. When Sam stole a glance at the corner, Lucifer was no longer there.
Dean is precise as he always is. Making sure to cut the gauze and tape just right so he wouldn’t hurt Sam; even though that made the process take even longer Sam didn’t mind. They were both quiet except for their breathing but it was a comfortable silence, maybe even intimate. Sam’s hand was still grazing Dean’s hip bone as was Dean’s palm still resting atop his thigh. It didn’t seem like they were ready to relinquish one another just yet and Sam was perfectly fine with that.
“There done,” Dean carefully pats down the tape on Sam’s arm. “Feel any better?”
“Much better.” Sam says quietly. “Thank you.”
“No thanks needed.”
Sam stares into Dean’s emerald eyes watching as the moonlight catches them and flecks of gold shine through. His fingers graze across Dean’s hip bone slowly until Dean shivers.
“Sammy…” Dean whispers and it appears as if he was going to bend down and place a kiss atop his lips for a minute there but something flickers in his eyes and he stops.
“We should head to bed. Need any help?”
Sam’s shoulders slump. He was really hoping that maybe they could do something tonight. It’s been so long since he’s had his brother in that way. With Lucifer and the Leviathans they haven’t found any time to do anything together anymore. Lucifer is always there in the background reminding him that Sam is never truly alone and not in a good way.
Sam softly shakes his head and manages to stand up on his own. He hunches over and breathes heavily for a bit before he regains his composure and scuffles to his bed.
The sheets and comforter are already pulled down. Sam searches for Dean but notices that Dean is in the bathroom. A small smile comes to his face at the thought of Dean fixing the bed for him.
Settling down in bed, Sam sighs as his bruises pull painfully making him scrunch his face in annoyance. He really should be taking a shower but he just didn’t have the energy to do so. He would have to live with his stinky self until he was able to move around without feeling like screaming.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Sam jumps. Almost as if a bolt of electricity went through him at the voice.
Lucifer is standing next to the bed, grin in place as he stares down at Sam with a soft smile, almost fondness, which makes Sam shudder in revulsion.
Sam turns toward his brother’s voice. “Y-yeah?”
Dean swallows shakily for a second, eyes roving over Sam’s form until he’s staring at the exact place Lucifer is standing. Sam wonders for a moment if maybe Dean can see Lucifer too but soon Dean’s eyes glaze until he isn’t staring at Lucifer but behind him.
“I was thinking maybe we could…well you know.” Dean blushes making Sam’s lips twist in amusement.
“Awww isn’t that sweet big brother wants to sleep with you.”
Sam chooses to ignore Lucifer, seeing as how if he engaged with him in any way it would make his situation ten times worse.
“What are you waiting for?” Sam gestures with a smirk, scooting over a tad so Dean could fit next to him. Something that always seems to amaze him is how easily he and Dean fit together. One would think with Sam’s size that it’d be impossible for them to sleep in one bed but their bodies mold together like a puzzle almost. Sometimes Sam doesn’t know where he starts and Dean ends.
“Shut up bitch.” Dean mutters, blush alighting his face and accentuating his freckles.
Dean shuffles to the bed before he’s gingerly lying down, making sure to cover the both of them with a duvet.
Dean’s hands are cold at first when they touch his skin, but since Sam is always such a furnace the iciness soon turns to warmth, making Sam’s insides flutter in anticipation.
His breathing steadies out when Dean’s hands begin to gently massage his skin, being careful of his numerous bruises and cuts. He feels himself sigh at his brother’s touch and smiles.
“You should have told me you like massages Sammy.”
Sam freezes, his body tightening and his mouth straining. He feels his lip wobble as he tries to get a grasp on his emotions.
Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him.
“Sammy?” Dean whispers.
Sam refuses to answer, refuses to open his eyes and see Lucifer’s cruel grin staring down at him, pity and anger mixed with a sick lust that makes Sam feel like puking.
“Sam? Hey look at me?” Dean’s hands move from his abused back and stomach to his face, cradling it gently until Sam finally chances it and opens his eyes.
Dean’s concerned green eyes swim into focus as Sam dazedly tries to clear his vision. He feels himself freeze at seeing Lucifer sitting behind Dean, casually watching them in amusement.
Lucifer’s clothes are gone; he’s completely nude and just…just staring at Dean and him. Like some sick freak.
Sam cries out and flails against Dean’s hand, just wanting to get away, get Dean away from Lucifer as quickly as possible.
“Hey! Hey Sam..Sammy! Whoa just calm down okay it’s alright!” Dean shushes gently; trying to wrap his hands around Sam’s wrists to still his terror but Sam’s having none of it.
How can it be alright? How can anything be alright anymore? Sam wants to scream or maybe sob but he doesn’t want to give Lucifer anymore ammunition against him.
“Hey, hey I’m here okay? Remember stone number one? Huh? I wasn’t just talking to myself was I? Whatever he’s doing to you Sammy he’s not real. Believe me little brother I’m real!”
Sam opens his eyes and feels tears mist. “Ho-How can you be so sure?” Lucifer’s shaking his head softly behind Dean and basically mocking everything Dean is saying. How can Dean know?
“Want to know I’m real, huh? Fine if I have to prove it to you I will.”
Sam stares in bewilderment as Dean kicks off the comforter, Lucifer gets up off the bed, clothes still gone as he sits in a chair that mysteriously conjured itself in the corner, crossing his legs like he’s enjoying a show.
“Dean what are yo-” His words broke off with a moan as Dean’s warm palm cupped his bulge in his boxers. Softly squeezing making Sam arch up.
“This is real Sam. I’m real. I know it’s hard to tell right now but always believe in me, okay? Believe in this.” With his words, Dean bends down and kisses Sam gently, suckling at Sam’s lips and making Sam a boneless heap.
Sam lets his brother’s taste wash over him as he begins to touch Dean’s back, softly scraping his nails over Dean’s his skin and rutting up against his stomach. Wanting--no needing--Dean more than he needed to breathe.
“Always was a horny little bitch Sammy,” Lucifer comments, making Sam moan in fear against Dean’s lips. His eyes widen and he stares at Lucifer staring at them, softly tsking like Sam was a child needing to be reprimanded.
“No! Damn it, look at me! Not him.” Dean’s fingers tighten against Sam’s cheeks, forcing him to focus on Dean instead of Lucifer’s cruel worlds.
Sam accepts Dean’s brutal kiss gratefully, welcoming the distraction from what he knows lingers close by. Dean doesn’t do anything half-assed, whether it’s hunting or making love. Dean’s passionate and fiercely protective when he wants to be with a possessive streak a mild wide.
Sam fucking loves it.
Revels in it in fact. Welcomes it with opening arms because this? This he can do. This he can think about. It serves to distract him from the resident elephant in the room. Currently sitting in a chair and laughing at the both of them, sneering at their lovemaking as if it was a sin.
“That’s it baby think of me okay? Think of this. Every time you see him believe in this.” Sam groans softly as Dean slowly pulls down his boxers, letting the fabric rub against his aroused dick as Sam sensually ruts up and down.
“Dean please….” Sam whines softly, needing his brother.
“Fucking cock slut Sam. Wow. If I thought you were bad down there? Man…I had no idea what a fucking whore you were. Personally I love it, keep it up Sammy.” Lucifer winks but Sam pays no attention. Tries to focus on Dean and Dean’s hands.
Focuses on the fact that Dean’s also completely nude too, and his hands wander down past his dick to fondle at his balls. “Fuck…” Sam curses softly, his breath hitches when Dean’s fingers prods at his entrance softly. Not exactly penetrating but ghosting across his rim and making his dick begin to leak.
“Please Dean…” Sam whimpers softly.
“Shhhh I’ll get you there little brother. Hold on.”
Sam finds himself getting more aroused at seeing Dean slick his fingers up with his own spit, making sure to remain in contact with some part of Sam. Probably so he doesn’t drift off and think of Lucifer sitting right fucking next to them, watching them doing something so intimate.
“Hey?” Dean chides. “What’d I tell you? Eyes on me Sammy and only me, got that?”
“Yes sir.” Sam breathes out. Feeling his insides coil as Dean’s now spit slick fingers probe at his entrance and gently push in. Sam arches with a cry as one finger bottoms out.
“That’s it, nice and slow.” Dean murmurs, his hips rocking on the bed as Sam curls his long legs around his brother’s back, pulling him in deeper.
After the first finger, the second and third slide in easily enough. Scissoring Sam open, preparing him for something much bigger to be inserted soon.
“Ready?” Dean asks, wanting to make sure Sam was 100% comfortable with that they were going to go. Always so fucking caring and concerned, making Sam forever grateful to have someone like Dean.
“Yeah, make me forget Dean, please?” That does it. The shiny eyes he flashes his brother always does him in. Dean’s facade all but crumbles before he’s pushing in with one quick shove.
“Yes! Fuck….Dean please.” Sam screams in pleasure, accepting Dean within his body willingly. Forgetting about Lucifer whispering in his ear as Dean begins to move back and forth in a steady rhythm.
“I’ve got you. Always got you little brother.” Dean’s breath hitches as he pulls back out slowly then pushes in again. “Always take care of you.”
That does it.
The constant reassurance that Dean will always be there for him, no matter what, heaven or hell Dean will always be there.
Sam takes the time to look over toward Lucifer, who is dressed now and sitting way to close for Sam’s comfort. Lucifer’s smile is malicious as he mutters under his breath, almost like a sneer.
“Look at you Sam. You’re nothing without me. This? This isn’t real? You’re still with me baby boy like it or not. I am you. I’m a part of you. You’re my bitch, did you really think you would get away so easily?”
Maybe earlier today Sam would agree with Lucifer, not tonight though, not now.
Not while Dean’s so tenderly making love to him, trying to reassure Sam that Dean is real.
Sam feels his climax come as Dean’s thrusts turn brutal. He turns towards Lucifer and sneers, “fuck you.”
His orgasm comes like a blow. “Dean!” Sam shouts and ruts, writhing as Dean latches onto his dick and milks him through the aftershocks.
“Fuck yes…” Dean’s coming seconds later, his seed filling him and making him whole in some way.
When Dean’s done he pulls out gently and crashes next to Sam on the bed. Sam feels himself being manhandled to where he’s spooning with Dean. Dean’s gently carding through his sweaty locks and murmuring his love.
“I’m real okay Sammy? That was real and I’ll always remind you when you need me to. You understand? Sammy?”
“I know Dean, thank you,” Sam whispers, closing his eyes and opening them, staring at the spot where Lucifer is sitting.
Except Lucifer is gone.
“You sure?” Dean whispers drowsily, already about to fall asleep.
“You’re real Dean I have never been more sure in my life.” Sam reassures his brother, truly meaning the words.
Dean mutters, “Good” and kisses him softly on his neck before succumbing to sleep.
Sam breathes softly and relishes the feel of Dean’s arms behind him. He stares at the spot Lucifer occupied for what seems like hours before he’s sure Lucifer isn’t coming back, at least tonight.
Maybe he wasn’t okay, maybe he was broken, fucked up beyond repair but feeling Dean’s warm breath against his neck reassures him that no matter what, Dean will be with him every step of the way.
In the end, that’s all that matters.
Once again, go give her some props for her amazing artwork! She deserves all the love for it. It was a pleasure writing for her art.