Warnings: Schmoopyness, pre-teen angst the usual
Disclaimer: I do not own teh adult boys or the wee-ones
Summary: Sometimes Dean doesn't realize how fast Sam is growing.
A/N: This is written for the h/c challenge at ohsam. The prompt was: Something bad happens to Sam. Author's choice for everything. You know me this was a freebie and my mind ran with it. Hope you like it sistabro
Sam wasn’t normal.
He knew that since he was still in diapers toddling around in a motel room rather than a warm and cozy home. Hell he knew that probably since before he could walk or talk.
So Sam wasn’t normal by any standards but why did everything have to happen to him.
Sam was standing in a run down bathroom that came with the small rental home they were currently stay at. He was busy staring at his image in the mirror. While Sam was loath to admit that he was indeed too short for the high counter top to be able to see the mirror directly but even on a chair he still stayed a good distance away from the counter in fear of catching some foreign disease or something.
At first Sam had been thrilled that they would be staying in a rental compared to a motel room. The eager eleven year old bounced happily to the house when they first got there. His joyous smiled faded when he got inside though.
The place was a dump. There were cracks in the windows, no A/C or heating units, the floor was made up of all splintered or missing boards and the shower only worked when the damn thing wanted to work.
Sam shouldn’t have been surprised but somewhere deep down it still hurt. Ever since he found out what their family really did he’s not as trusting of his father as he use to be.
He asked more questions, demanded more answers and flat out refused to do something unless his Dad was highly specific.
His Dad was annoyed with him and more angry than he ever was pleased or proud. Which ok Sam could handle that. It wasn’t like his Dad hadn’t disappointed him before but sometimes when he watches how easy Dean and his Dad get along, or how easy it is for their Dad to praise Dean. It flat out hurt.
It left a gaping wound that Sam has been trying to fix and patch together. Sam may be stubborn but you can never say he didn’t try. He tried to fix his and their Dad’s relationship on numerous times but somehow everything gets twisted and his Dad just becomes angrier with him for something or another. Most of the time Sam doesn’t even know what sets him off so he stays out of his way now a days.
Blinking back moisture that was rising to his eyes Sam shook his head angrily. He was not a baby and he did not cry.
He did not cry because his Dad seemed to hate him. He did not cry because no one was home to see he aced his exam that he’d been studying for all week. And he did not cry because there was a fat pink dot on his face that looked about ready to burst.
He didn’t cry! He couldn’t…..
But it was inevitable. Tears sprang out and leaked down his face.
Sliding away from the mirror he sat down next to the toilet and tried to make himself as little as possible.
He had a small clarity about all the diseases and germs that could be found on the dirty bathroom floor but his grief was too hard to hold in.
Dean wiped his sweaty face with the front of his shirt.
The Arizona heat had cranked up a few notches since after he first left the house. With his Dad away on a hunt Dean was left in charge of things till he returned. Since turning sixteen his Dad had started to entrust him with a lot more than before.
He was able to go on a lot more dangerous hunts. His Dad even gave him the Impala for his birthday. Which surprised him greatly but he took it with great gratitude and stride. The best part was that Dean really wasn’t going to school all that much anymore if not at all.
His Dad said it was ultimately his choice and Dean of course choose not too. School was highly overrated to him. All the girls were sluts, the jocks were bullies and the teachers were know it alls that deserved their rulers they wielded around to be stuck where the sun don’t shine.
Though Sammy still went to school regularly like the little book worm he was.
Dean smiled at the memory of his little geek. He was currently driving home in the Impala which was so much cooler than riding shotgun he might add.
He had taken to working at a mechanics shop that was a couple blocks down from where the rental house was. Which ok he could have walked, nothing like a little extra endurance but driving was so much better. Anyway walking was overrated.
He had to lie about his age though but it wasn’t very hard.
Even though he was just sixteen he looked a lot older than his years. He was certainly more muscle than a lot of sixteen year olds and he’s proud to admit that he’s actually growing a beard.
Not a full on one but stubble which he also might add the ladies dig greatly.
So it wasn’t hard too see him as eighteen instead of sixteen.
He couldn’t help thinking of what Sammy would look like when he hit puberty. Sam only being eleven still had a lot of baby fat. He had cheeks that old ladies loved to pinch and with his puppy dog eyes and with that mop of hair he had no old grandmother could resist him. Which came in handy when they wanted free cookies and milk.
Other than that it was his innocence that really drove into home how young he was. While Sammy may know about what they did he wasn’t subjected to go on hunts yet.
His Dad only really made him do sparring, gun safety and standard training. Which Dean was actually thankful for. He didn’t know if he could handle Sam actually handling a gun and trying to kill something supernatural.
Though as of late his little book worm wasn’t as cheery as he normally is. In the last weeks he was rather somber and moody.
Which maybe Dean could chalk up to Sam and their Dad’s big fight they had before he left. Sam was always pissy after a fight with Dad. Yeah that was it.
Pulling into the driveway to the rental he took a minute to admire how the Impala purred and how his hands fit like puzzle pieces on the steering wheel. With a dreamy sigh he shut off the engine and got out.
Carrying their dinner for tonight inside he plopped it on the table and set the keys down as well.
That’s when he noticed something was wrong.
The house was too silent. Sammy should have already been home from school…hours ago…the dang school was practically next door to their shit face of a house so it wasn’t like he could have gotten lost or something.
But something could have taken him. An evil evil voice said in his head.
Time seemed to freeze at that point and Dean instantly went to panicking. “SAMMY!” Dean yelled in a frenzy panic as he frantically searched the house.
The house wasn’t big by any means so it was easy to deduce that Sammy wasn’t in the kitchen, living room, their Dad’s room or their room which that left…
Composing himself so it didn’t look like he had been spazzing out a minute earlier he tried to listen in to see if Sam was ok in there.
He didn’t hear the pipes running or anything else of that nature to conclude that San was even in there to begin with.
“Sammy?” Dean said softly while knocking on the door. But the door wasn’t locked or even shut all the way so when he knocked the door kinda popped open by itself.
Sammy may be small, smaller than a lot of the kids his age, but it was easy to pinpoint the little figure curled in between the toilet and the sink. Which eww gross. He didn’t even want to think who use to live here or what was on that floor but he figured it was the least of his concerns at the moment.
Stepping into the bathroom he made his way over to his brother and crouched down before him.
“Sammy?” He asked softly but the kid had his head buried into his knees and looked to be crying.
Frowning Dean took his hand and carded it through Sam’s silky hair. Remembering all the times when Sammy was a chubby toddler who was easily scared by thunderstorms and had always came into Dean’s bed wanting comfort. “Sammy what’s the matter? Come on you’re scaring me?”
Sam seemed to flinch but he otherwise lifted his head up off his knees.
Sammy was indeed crying. His face was red as tears made there way down his cheeks to drip onto his jeans.
“What’s wrong Sammy?” Dean asked gently removing his hand from Sam’s hair to cup his face. “Are you hurt? Sick?”
Sam cleared his throat than unwound himself from the small space only to jump right into Dean’s lap knocking him flat on his ass. “Whoa! Easy, easy. I‘ve got you. It‘s ok” Dean said gently.
He pulled Sam close and wrapped his arms around his brother’s skinny frame vowing to hunt down and kill whatever did this to his brother. “What’s wrong tiger? Huh, you’re scaring me a bit here. I gotta know something or else I can’t help.”
Sammy sniffed miserably than looked up into Dean’s face with so much anguish he felt his heart tighten up.
“Do you think Dad hates me?” Sammy asked softly.
The question was a shock so at first it didn’t seem to register in his brain. “Huh?”
“Dad, do you uh….think he hates me?” Sammy asked again. While the crying seemed to have stopped his voice was still croaky and angst ridden.
“Hate you? Who the hell told you that?! Huh?” Dean demanded suddenly angry.
Sam bit his lip almost till the point of blood than said, “No one I just wanted to know is all.” Sam said shyly looking anywhere but at Dean.
Dean furrowed his brow trying to deduce where Sammy got that ridiculous idea from. This was why the kid was so moody. He thought his Dad hated him?
Sometimes Sammy could be so dense.
Dean then figured he had to approach this subject on a light note. Sammy didn’t need him freaking out and yelling at him. “Sammy, Dad doesn’t hate you. He loves you. He loves you so much. He may not have a great way of showing it but everything he does he does it for us. Do you understand?” Dean prodded gently. It didn’t seem his information was going in so smoothly though.
“Yeah but….he always yells at me for something or another and…” Sam stopped unsure if he should finish his sentence aloud.
“And what Sammy?” Dean prodded again.
“And sometimes I think he wished I had died in the fire instead of Mom.”
The air around them suddenly filled with tension. Dean’s back went rigid and all gentleness in his tone was gone.
“Don’t you dare say that! EVER AGAIN! You hear me! Dad loves you. He loves you so fucking much it hurts. If you would have died me and Dad wouldn’t have been able to live with ourselves. You’re the reason I have for living this shitty life and Dad’s too so don’t you dare ever say that! You understand me!?”
Sam looked about ready to burst into tears again. His eyes were as wide as saucers and he had a death grip on Dean’s gray shirt.
“Samuel Winchester I said do you understand me?!”
“Ye-esss” Sam stuttered out at a loss.
Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose suddenly feeling a small headache beginning. “Shit,” He whispered realizing that he had lost his cool and for a minute his walls had been taken down revealing what was hidden underneath.
“I didn’t mean to snap at you it’s just….sometimes you can be really dense Sammy.” Dean chuckled looking at the obvious bitch-face plastered on his small face.
“I’m…I’m not dense! I’m just…curious is all.” Sammy rebuffed indignantly not realizing that that statement had made him sound even stupider.
Dean laughed aloud at that. The tension was easily dispelled and normal brotherly banter took place. “You know what they say little brother curiosity is what killed the cat.”
Sammy furrowed his brow then shook his head planning on removing himself from his brother’s lap. His cheeks tinged pink realizing that he had been literally sitting in his brothers lap this whole time.
He was about to leave when something grabbed his wrist.
Turning around he could see Dean looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Yeah?” Sam asked confused.
“You know Dad loves you right Sammy? He may not say it or show it very well but he does. Everything he does is for you us. It may be kinda twisted but it’s the truth.”
Sam’s face softened when he realized his brother was at a loss for what to say which wasn’t often if not ever.
Dean was always so fluent and this flustered him to no end.
“I know that Dad loves me I was just throwing a temper tantrum. I…..” Sam shut up when he realized he was about to admit to Dean that in the past few weeks he’s been having the urge to cry for no apparent reason.
“What?” Dean asked his earlier frown of angst was replaced by a sly grin.
“I….have you ever had too….you know….havetheurgetocryfornoereason?” Sam said in quick succession his cheeks turning an embarrassing red color.
“What? You got to speak slower I can’t understand you.” Dean asked still with his cheeky grin in place. He went to stand up and cracked his back muscles along the way. Sitting in such tight quarters had made his back wind up.
Sam sighed. His brother would pester him to death unless he spilled the beans. “Have you ever kinda cried for no apparent reason?” Sam asked timidly.
Dean seemed to furrow his brow as if he was confused than he just busted up laughing.
Sam stamped his foot petulantly. “Dean this isn’t funny! What if something’s wrong or or it’s a crying disease or or or…” Sam seemed to be getting hysterical all over again so Dean stopped his laughter.
Walking over to his brother he shrugged an arm over his shoulder and gave him a quick hug. “Nothings wrong with you you’re just going through puberty. Every one does it. I had mood swings when I went through it you’re just different that’s all.”
Sam seemed to calm down marginally as he melted into his brothers embrace. “So it’s normal?”
Dean gave a soft smile. “Yep it just means you’re growing up kiddo nothing to worry about.”
“Good.” Sam said quietly thinking to himself that it was better to have to go through something so normal than rather have something supernatural happen to him.
“Though…” Dean began to say and he almost laughed at how rigid Sam went.
“That big pimple on your face is totally gross dude.”
Sam punched Dean in his stomach with no real gusto and walked out of the bathroom with a huff.
Dean grinned while rubbing at the spot on his stomach. For such a skinny geek his brother could hit pretty hard.
He lingered in the bathroom doorway for a minute contemplating his thoughts. He didn’t like that Sam ever pondered their Dad could hate him or wish he was dead. It wasn’t right and too sound clichéd it wasn’t normal. No child should ever think that. Ever.
Once their Dad got home he and Dean would have a nice long talk. Their Dad saw Sammy as still a baby that followed him around with a child like quality. Sammy wasn’t a baby anymore no matter how angelic he looked. Dean was loath to admit it but the small toddler who use to squeal Dean’s name in delight was slowly turning into an angst ridden teenager who had their own conflicted thoughts and emotions to deal with.
They had to be careful what they said and did around the kid from now on.
Dean is just lucky that Sam hasn’t figured out the process of masturbation yet. Cause that would be tons of awkward for him.
“You better be doing your homework or I’m a pop that pimple right off your face!” Dean yelled good naturedly while turning off the bathroom light and silently closing the door.
Sam scowled but couldn’t help the grin that lit up on his face. His Dad may be a disappointment but Sam knew that his Dad did the best he could.
Sam was still young enough to not feel embarrassed about telling his family members that he loves them but he knew how awkward it usually makes Dean so as the ever nice brother he is he just said something else.
“I’ll just pop it on the Impala’s seat!” Sam said with a smirk as he stuck his tongue out.
“You better not shrimp.” Dean warned.
“Watch me.” Sam said and in lightning speed he was heading towards the door but he knew his brother was faster than him and a lot bigger so Dean instantly scooped him up and put him over his shoulder.
Sam couldn’t help the giggles that escaped his lips.
Puberty who needed it anyway?