Summary: What if in When the levee breaks Sam's funky mojo didn't work on Alastair?
The drive to their new motel room was silent, just the way he liked it. Dean didn't constantly nag him over the issue at hand and he gratefully left him to muse on his own thoughts probably because Dean had his own thoughts to chew at. The music blasting in his ears was a comfort at hand, it reminded him he wasn't alone but there was always the voice in the back of his head telling him it didn't matter, Dean didn't care about him. He would just let Dean sing his songs while he slid down farther in the seat. He would just close his eyes for a little bit, they needed their rest too. Just a little bit.
Sam's eyes popped open as he looked around frantically for him, he was here somewhere. He just saw him inching closer, his voice cold as ice. "Where is he?" He panted still out of breath.
"Where is who? Sammy you were dreaming again."
"Dreaming?" Sam looked around and noticed he was in the impala, not the factory. His brother was on the outside of the car leaning over him. Dreaming? I just closed my eyes for a second.
"Yeah, you fell asleep on the way here. I got us a room and our stuff is already inside."
There were already at the motel? Time does fly. He shook his head as he began to stand.
"Whoa, just wait a minute. Let me help you." Dean attempted to grab his arm but he tried in vain to push him off. "Would you stop and let me help you for once."
Sam sagged down because he didn't have any fight left in him to argue. He let Dean help him out of the car. He needed the help, he was tired and obviously losing it up stairs. He got some weird stares as his brother half-dragged him to their room. Why did everyone think they were gay?
He didn't remember getting past the door as his lack of a peaceful sleep caught up with him.
Dean was not a happy camper, he knew Sam was messed up and it was all his fault. Having to watch his brother toss and turn in another nightmare was not fun. He had to wait till they got to the motel before he could actually wake him, all the more torturous.
It took Sam five minutes to respond to his voice, he even took the tactic of getting out of the car and opening up the passenger side door to arouse him. It only resulted in Sam almost toppling to the ground. Finally when Sam had awoken his first words were terrified and his eyes displayed horror as they did a frantic search of the car. He just played with it knowing Sam had awoken from a dream pertaining to Alastair.
He did a quick lie about their stuff being in the room, he didn't take the time too. He hurriedly got them a room and went back to Sam dismayed he wasn't up and decided the stuff could wait later. He finally felt like he got back on track and was doing his job, he was taking care of Sammy again. Of course there are hardships to the job. Lugging a sleep-dazed 6'4 200 plus pound brother is no where near fun or easy. He held on strong, Sam still had some coherency to walk or stumble whatever.
He was feeling more weight as he got closer to the door, he kicked open the door with his boot and began to shuffle them inside. That's when he felt Sam go completely limp almost taking him down with him. "Sammy!" He yelled as hurriedly dragged Sam to the farthest bed. He gently set him down and began and assessment as to why Sam totally zonked out. Maybe he wasn't ready to leave the hospital? Maybe there's a hidden injury? Maybe you're just worrying to much because he's just sleeping.
"You just passed out." He sighed as he sat down on his own bed. "Passed out." He gave a slight chuckle as Sam snored away oblivious to the world or his quiet panic attack. All of Sam's nightmares have caught up to him and Sam's body was shutting itself down for its own good. Pretty soon he would pass out too if he didn't get any sleep himself.
He began the task of stripping his brother down to his boxers and a t-shirt. Once Sam was in proper sleeping attire he brought the blanket up and tucked it under his chin. Satisfied Sam was taken care of he began his nightly routine. Once he was striped down to only his boxers he hopped into his own bed letting sleep succumb.
The sun hit Sam's face almost at the same time as the smell of breakfast did. His mouth started to water in anticipation, he hadn't eaten since well he didn't know so that meant he needed to eat.
"Good morning sunshine." Dean grinned as he watched Sam's nose twitch from the aroma in the room.
Sam abruptly began to prop himself up on one elbow and rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Good morning yourself. What are you doing up this early?"
"Early? Sam it's 11:30." He began digging through the contents of the bag. Nothing better than a good ole' heartfelt confession with some good food to go with it.
Sam's eyes opened more at that, 11:30. Was it really that late? Dean wasn't the early bird type, when did he go to sleep anyway? "Why didn't you wake me up? He grumbled as he began to get out of bed, looking around for his lost jeans.
"Because dumbass you passed out in the car and in the doorway as I was dragging you in here. You scared me half to death." Dean retorted as he bit a piece out of the muffin. "Now calm down and come eat breakfast."
Sam sighed as he gave up the search, who the hell cares if he's still in his boxers. "Thanks Dean." He thanked as food and a drink was pushed his way he accepted them gratefully and dug in quite ashamed at how Dean-like he was starting to look.
"So I take it you're hungry." Dean noted as he beat around the bush. The question would pop up soon and Sam can't weasel out of it.
"Yeah I haven't eaten in a while I guess." He looked at Dean suspiciously, he was cooking something up he can feel it. Random ass questions don't fly out of Dean's mouth often well maybe they do but there more randomer then this (was that even a word) God he's losing his mind.
"I bet, so Sam what do remember from the factory." Dean watched as Sam stopped eating and looked on in shock almost as if pictures assaulted his mind.
"No…nothing why would you ask." He stuttered out as he looked around for an excuse to leave but none came about. Damn Dean for being nosy.
"Don't lie to me, I know you remember Sammy. I just want you to open up to me that's all."
Tears threatened to fall down his face but he quickly hid them away. He couldn't say he wouldn't understand because Dean would understand more than anyone so why was he holding back? Why are you being selfish again when he's only trying to help?
"Please Sammy I'm trying to help you, let me help you." Dean begged as he watched Sam's eyes water. Why couldn't Sam confide in him anymore? When did that ever stop?
"I know, I just…" He broke down he couldn't do it anymore. He wasn't perfect, he was useless. Alastair made that very clear; he made sure that his uselessness wouldn't hurt anyone else. He made sure that he knew he was alone and always was.
"Just what Sammy?" Dean began to stand and move to comfort his little brother as tears began to fall. He hated to see Sam like this so broken so receded in himself. It reminded him of himself after his father died. Hiding away all his feelings deep inside himself until it was too hard to let them out.
"He was right Dean, everything he said made sense." Sam bowed his head as he jerked his body away from his brother's comforting hands. He knew now that Alastair was right all his words rang true whether he wanted to hear them or not.
"What? You can't seriously believe him." That's what was bothering him; Sam believed every word Alastair had said. Of course Sam had been believing demons words were like gold recently. No, no get that out of your head this isn't helping. Alastair wasn't an amateur he made you feel worthless and alone. His work would do horrors to an already broken man from the beginning.
"Why should I not! He stitched my lips shut so I can shut up for once and hear the damn truth. I know I'm worthless, I'm a lowlife, and I'm nothing. Hearing it from a god damn demon Dean that's hit low levels." He yelled as tears continued to fall, it hurt to revisit it but it needed to be done. Dean needed to see what he was which was nothing.
Dean was shocked, he had no clue this was building inside Sam. It must have been building inside for some time for it to get this bad. For it to escalate this far, he didn't want it to escalate this far. He didn't even want this to happen. He wanted his brother back; he wanted Sam to see how much he meant to him and how important he is. Who gives a damn about the rest of the world.
"Sammy, I didn't know you thought that." He said softly. "I don't give a damn what Alastair told you, Ruby, Cas, or any other person on this damn earth. Don't let anyone and I mean anyone tell you you're worthless. You're the most important person in the world to me Sam, who gives a fuck what other people say."
Sam's traitorous mind battled for what was the truth and what was bullshit. He was important Dean said so but Alastair told him he wasn't. All he wanted was love and value from his older brother and all he heard for most of his life was how pathetic and useless he was. Yet Dean told him not to care about any one else but other people aren't in his and Dean's magic bubble and unfortunately their opinions count too. Alastair said Dean didn't love him anymore maybe never did. But the truth was Dean loves him has loved him since the day he was born.
"You hearing me Sammy, you're important to me and whatever Alastair said he's wrong." Dean walked slowly over to his stoic brother and squeezed his shoulders slightly.
He may not be important to anyone else but he was important to Dean. That was all that mattered.
"I'm hearing you."
"Then you understand, you got all that garbage out of your head." Dean asked hesitantly, not real sure his words went through Sam's thick skull. Sam seemed to be lost in thought and that could sometimes be a blessing and a curse.
"I will if you stop touching me." Sam smiled wide as Dean grew red and took his hand away quickly.
"Good and if you ever get those thoughts in your head again I'm going to beat them out next time, it won't be pretty." Dean smiled as he walked back over to the chair just happy to see Sam smile.
"Yeah, yeah did you leave any hot water?"
"What do you think?"
"I'm guessing no." Sam sighed as he grabbed a lone pair of jeans and a discarded t-shirt.
"Bingo." He chimed as he stuffed more food into his mouth.
"You're an ass."
"I love you too." He smiled as the bathroom door banged shut. He was eating quietly enjoying the sound of the water running as he heard a faint noise. He got up quickly and turned around to be met with a pair of eyes. He jumped back and fell flat on his ass.
"Cas!" He screamed as he grabbed his beating heart. "I'm so going to kick your holy ass." He yelled as he went to tackle the angel but just like that he was gone and he was heading for the wall. "Oh shit." he managed to garble out as his head impacted with the wall. "Cas!" He yelled aloud as he rubbed his aching head. "I'm gonna kill you."