Summary: Dean may not see it. Sam's perfected his mask over the years. But he's falling deeper and deeper.
Warning: Mentions and doings of self harm.
Three days later Sam was finally let out of the hospital. Dean couldn't have been any more excited. It showed in the way he walked, talked, eat even breathed. Nothing could get his mood down especially after his and Sammy's little chat the night before. He frowned at that memory even though the talk was necessary he didn't expect Sam to unleash another bomb on him. Sam told him there was no other way to describe it and that he was depressed had been for a while now. Depressed? Jesus! He never thought that it would go to that extremity. Well it did in actuality when Sam cut himself.
Dean shook the burdening thoughts out of his head as he practically skipped into Sam's room. Sam was sitting on the bed clothed in regular clothing instead of the stupid hospital gown that they always administered. Dean could still tell that Sam was troubled but he wasn't as weighed down as before. He seemed calm a lot calmer than he had been in days. Weeks? Even months. Dean was starting to like the serene ease that flowed out of Sam.
"You ready to blow this Popsicle joint? I sure as hell am. These nurses aren't even hot dude." Dean complained with a smile plastered on his face at Sam's reaction. It wasn't the 100 watt smile he normally sees but it was a grin and that was all he could ask for.
Sam sighed out in relief. He was still depressed there was no getting over that but for once he felt like things could get better that he could finally move on out of the rut he's been in for months. He looked forlornly at his wrist and winced in disgust. How messed up must he have been to think that cutting yourself was ok? Or that it would help him fix his problems?
When did he ever sink so low that cutting himself was an escape from the pain? Ironic to think that he was escaping pain but inadvertently causing more. Sam shook his head in bewilderment. Things weren't ok they may never be but that doesn't mean he can't work to make things at least a little bit better. Grinning up at his brother he rolled his eyes in good ole' Sam fashion. "Do you ever think with your upstairs brain?"
Dean frowned but despite it all he was grinning. "Hey you just got to know how to prioritize."
Sam rolled his eyes again as he pushed off the bed. His jaw still hurt but his speech was so much better than it use to be. The bruises were fading also. He didn't think he could handle walking out into public with a big ass bruise on his face. "Let's just get out of here this place is creeping me out."
You and me both little brother. You and me both.
The drive to the motel room was nice. Sam thought. Normally he would try to slink down into the passenger seat and hide. But today he was actually enjoying his brothers company. He didn't really know when he stopped enjoying it. Dean had the music blasting as he drove down the road. Sam didn't mind not really but what was sort of annoying him was that Dean was singing along. Dean can't sing well. In all his years he hasn't known someone so humble. Hell Dean thinks he's the hottest thing on the block when he's naked. He constantly was saying how sexy he is in the bathroom! Sam knows because Dean definitely says it loud enough.
Sam smiled at that. He forgot that usually Dean being annoying and irritable was normal. It felt so right. If Dean wasn't annoying Sam usually doesn't know how to act. He guesses that's what put him in a funk for those past few months. Because Dean wasn't being annoying Dean was just pissed all the time. Pissed at the world, pissed at random people, pissed at the angels and demons, even pissed at him.
Sam frowned at all the times Dean yelled at him or hurt his feelings when the only thing Sam did was ask if he was alright. They both have stuff to deal with and get over and Dean's already made the first step he needed to make his.
"Turn it up louder Dean I love this song." Even though he really didn't due to the loud drumbeats which always rattled his ears Sam decided to lighten up for once and live a little. He's been missing out on too much lately and in reality your only gonna live once well you get what I'm saying.
Dean grinned even more and looked over to Sam's smiling face. Sam didn't like this song he's told him on numerous occasions how much he loathed this song but Dean took it as what it was a peace treaty. "What ever you say little brother."
"Run to the hills, run for your lives Run to the hills, run for your lives"
Sam smiled as he got more comfortable in the seat letting the beat of the music lull him to sleep.
When they got to the motel room Sam's good mood depleted Dean was completely driving him insane. His constant questions of how are you feeling and do you need anything were completely driving him nuts. He really appreciates what Dean is doing he can never put into words how gracious he is for what Dean does and for Dean just being there. But this wasn't that scenario if Dean didn't give him space now he was going to burst.
After Dean insisted that he fluff his pillow again Sam couldn't take it anymore. "Dean! Please would you stop it! You're driving me crazy."
Dean seemed to deflate and that made Sam start to feel guilty again. "I'm sorry it's just-"
Sam asked in a softer tone this time. "It's just what Dean? I get it I do. I scared the hell out of you probably still am but I'm getting better. You helped me Dean you really did and that's all the thanks I need." Sam offered honestly. He didn't know what he would become if Dean hadn't intervened.
Dean's eyes got misty after Sam's confession. "You did scare the hell out of me." Dean offered as he sat down in a chair. "If you ever I repeat ever do that again I will fucking beat you to a bloody ass pulp. Do you understand me?"
Sam swallowed as he sat straighter up in the bed. "Understood I promise no more."
Dean sighed as the venom in his voice dropped. "Good." He whispered. "I get that you're aggravated I just want to make you happy again. I want to see you laugh and smile. God do you know how much I missed you smiling?"
Sam own eyes began to water. He was so lucky to have Dean he couldn't even fathom how lucky. "I know." Sam whispered.
"I do anything and I mean anything to make you happy again I don't care what it takes." Dean stated with conviction.
Sam's eyes stilled misted with un-shed tears but he seemed to roll that over in his head for a bit. "Anything?" Sam questioned innocently.
"Yes anything." Dean replied.
Sam just smirked as a laugh broke out.
Dean's earlier determination quickly turned to confusion and also a hint of fear. What did he get himself into? "Sammy what are you planning?"
Sam just continued on laughing and boy did it sound good.
"I can't believe your making me do this! I'm about to barf." Dean said with disgust as he continued to rub his brother's feet.
Sam just smiled actually liking the foot rub. His feet were killing him for a while due to always being on his feet. Sam just sighed in contempt as he smiled even more. "My feet don't stink there a hell of a lot cleaner than yours."
"Hey my feet smell like roses." Dean defended as he continued massaging Sam's feet. This is what he's come to a personal foot masseur. Great.
"Dean last time you took off your socks they stunk up the whole friggin motel room and we had to get a new one. I mean geez it smelt like you haven't taken your socks off for a week." Sam almost gagged at the memory.
Dean smiled even more. "Would it disgust you even more to know that I hadn't removed them in over a week?"
Sam actually gagged a little and had to stop bile from rising. "Dean!" Sam whined.
Dean just kept on smiling. Even though he was massaging his brothers feet if this was the road it took him to make Sam happy he do it every friggin day. Sam wasn't ok but neither was he. It's too dangerous to fight with each other now. Family was all he had left and he wouldn't compromise that situation. Not anymore.
Not hearing a retort from Sam had him jerking his head up. Sam was fast asleep. Damn is he good or what?
Chuckling too himself he pulled the blanket up higher and patted it gently.
He had an errand to run. He wasn't going to let Sam get off scoot free. For giving him the scare of his life and making him rub his stinky feet he was going to make Sam pay. With a little pink dye anything is possible.
Grabbing Sam's duffel bag he quietly excited the motel as Sam slept unaware.
One week later
Dean was busy reading the morning news paper as Sam grabbed his duffel bag and brought it into the shower. Things were going smoothly and he really enjoyed this new peace that was laid upon them.
Circling a potential hunt he almost jumped at Sam's angry voice.
"DEAN! I'm going to kill you!"
Dean just smiled. "Let that be a lesson too you. I don't just rub feet for free."
Dean smirked as he continued reading. Oh yeah things would be just fine.