Summary: Dean may not see it. Sam's perfected his mask over the years but he's falling deeper and deeper. Warning: Mentions and doings of self-harm you've been warned.
There are things, I regret.
That you can't forgive. You can't forget.
There's a gift, That you sent.
You sent it my way.
As Dean walked up to the bar with stride he plastered a cocky grin on his face to match his cocky swagger. The only dent in his otherwise happy mood was his brother. This was supposed to be a Winchester night so to speak. A fun night. On fun nights you're generally suppose to have fun. Sam's demeanor and attitude spoke nothing of having fun but exactly the opposite. He was a good three steps behind him and his posture was hunched over as both hands were fisted into his hoodie which he seemed to wear practically everyday, even in the hottest of weather. What struck out to Dean the most was Sam's frown. He never really saw Sam smile anymore. He understood the reasons why Sam wouldn't want to smile but Dean still smiled. Why wasn't Sam at least half-smiling or even grinning for god sakes? Instead of being concerned like he usually would Sam's new attitude was pissing him off.
Week after week he's had to pretty much talk to a brick wall. Sam was void of any emotions unless you forced him to talk or engage in conversations. Their conversation earlier tonight was the only testament that Sam was still alive. Sam hasn't spoken to him or even verbalized a damn joke in God knows how long and it's starting to get irritating. He's trying though. God he's trying. He gave Sam a fun night away from thinking and away from the apocalypse and by God Sam is going to have fun.
Dean briefly turned around before he got to the entrance putting on his most authoritative voice he could muster he stopped his brother dead in his tracks. "Sam this night is for fun remember."
"Yeah I remember." Sam murmured slouching even more if it were possible.
"So on this coveted night of fun you're abided to have fun." Dean smiled as Sam's eye's looked up to meet his. His smile soon left as soon as they both made eye contact. Sam's eyes spoke volumes as Dean stared into his baby brothers hazel orbs. They were dull and lifeless. Devoid of their normal sparkle and vibrancy that made them shine. What scared Dean the most was the pain and sorrow that radiated out through them squeezing the life out of his very being.
"What are you staring at?" Sam asked grumpily.
Dean shook himself out of his daze purposefully diverting eye contact as he nodded towards the door. "Let's just go." Dean soon turned around and pushed open the greasy double doors. He didn't know why but Sam's eyes really freaked him out. One man shouldn't have that much pain it's just not that possible. He quickly shook all his thoughts as he absorbed in the atmosphere of the bar. Sleezy, cheezy, and easy. Just how he likes it. He wouldn't let Sam put a damper on his mood again. He's been letting Sam put a damper on his relatively good moods for weeks. Not tonight though. Tonight is Dean's night and on Dean's night he's gonna have fun.
Sam trudged in after his brother narrowly missing the door getting slammed in his face by Dean's eagerness to enter the bar. As soon as he entered all eyes were on him and it made his anxiety notch up a couple of steps. Damnit I knew this would happen.
Desperately looking for a lone table to ride out the night he almost slammed into a couple of bar patrons, tripped over a drunken man, and had drinks spilled on him. Yeah this would be a fun night alright. Spotting an otherwise empty table Sam grabbed it at first chance as he dove for its safety. Making himself impossibly smaller he hunched over in the booth hoping the night would go off without anyone talking too him or annoying him.
Looking at his left wrist with a sigh he almost wished he could be doing something else.
Scanning the area for Dean he wasn't surprised to find him enthralled in talking to a few of the women at the bar. At least Dean is having a good time. He sighed as he drummed his fingers absently on the dirty table wishing he would have at least brought his laptop but knowing Dean he would have taken it away.
That put a frown on his face as he thought of all the things Dean limits him on. Why? Because Big Brother is always right. I think that line is getting a little old there, Dean. Ever since he drank demon blood again he's been limited on his freedom. Even though he willingly told Dean about his cravings and willingly went into the panic room. It's just not good enough. Nothing ever is in this lifetime. Just another thing to be depressed about. Great.
He could see all the times Dean gets frustrated or angry when he doesn't conjure in Dean's small talk but Sam's not sure he really has much to give anymore. Dean's trying and Sam can't put it into words how much he appreciates or thanks Dean for all he's done but he really doesn't have much to say these days. Who does? When the world is coming to an end and you're strung up like a junkie; again. Plus you got another fix for self-inflicting harm there's not much to say. Just another day for Sam Winchester.M<
This was going to be a long night.
Dean was having a blast.
He wasn't sure if it was the amount of alcohol he consumed that was misguiding his fun meter but hell fun is fun and he was having it. Thanks to Mandy on one side or was it Megan? And the lovely Sasha or was it Sara? Anywho they were both interested in Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester was interested in them.
Screw what famine said. Dead inside my ass. He still has his fire power. Mina and Sally here prove it. Both girls giggled as Dean smiled and Dean couldn't help but laugh too. He was starting to think that he's had way too many shots but who the hell cares anymore. Live a little. He has a brooding brother and an angel who wants to wear him like a bad prom date. So why not have fun?
"So lad'es I got th's fr…iend 'ight." Dean slurred as he fingered his next shot. The girls hung onto his every word like it was a life line and he couldn't have been more happier. "He's to'lly co'l." He smiled at the memory.
"What's your friend's name?" One of them purred. Which Dean really couldn't tell which one at the moment.
"Uh… wha..t we t'lkin 'bout?"
Sam lazily eyed the bar patrons as he once again scanned the scene for a threat. This was normally Dean's job but Dean was too busy getting hammered to even spell his own name. Sam sighed. It was so typical of Dean to do this. Getting drunk was almost in Winchester code after traumatic experiences. Some how like always Sam broke that code. Like he always does Sam didn't follow orders.
Sam shook his head of the burdening thoughts. This wasn't getting him anywhere. Sitting in this bar was just adding to the cause. Sam unwound himself from the booth and made his way over to his drunken sibling at least to alert him of his departure.
He grimaced when he saw what state Dean was really in. Two girls who could pass off as go-go dancers were hanging off Dean like bad dates and Dean was just giggling away. Taking small steps he gingerly tapped Dean on the shoulder and was surprised when Dean whirled around and punched him in the face.
Dean was quite content with the two phone numbers he received and promises of 'things' to do later on. He wasn't sure what Sam would say but now he just didn't care.
He was surprised when a hand came in contact with his shoulder and his first instinct was to get whoever it was off him. He spun quickly around and punched the guy as hard as he could in the face.
Maria and Sandy gave surprised gasps and he gave a triumphant grin at his accomplishment that is till he noticed who he face planted on the floor. He quickly sobered up and looked down on the floor with concern and horror. "Shit! Sammy?" Dean bent down on the floor quite concerned that he punched his brother not only that but his punch was hard enough to knock his 6'4 brother out like a light surrounding the circumstances that he was indeed drunk and his punch wasn't that hard.
He quickly came up to touch Sam's cheek and winced at the widening bruise across Sam's jaw. He would definitely need to ice it when they got home to keep the swelling down. "Sam? Come on wake up for me." He coaxed but Sam was out like a light and that seriously freaked him out. Sam shouldn't have been knocked out by a drunken man's punch. Something else was going on.
Dean bit the inside of his lip as Sam just laid still on the floor. A crowd was beginning to form and he noticed that Macy and Sade or whatever the hell their names were fled the scene. Thanks ladies for all your moral support. "Sammy can you hear me?" He tried again lightly tapping his brother's cheek but Sam was out. I didn't hit him that hard? Did I?
Guilt ate away at his stomach like crazy as drunks and women started to crowd around them fascinated by this new spectacle. Dean wasn't in the mood. "What the hell does this look like? Free entertainment? Go back to the sewers where you came from." He growled as he covered Sam's body from their prying eyes.
He got a few stream of curses but thankfully they all listened. Dean would just have to take Sam back and try to figure out what's wrong from there.