Summary: Fast forward 2 months, Jensen is slowly starting to realize he's in love with Jared but once again his shyness keeps inhibiting him from what he wants.
A/N: This is a timestamp to my fic First Time For Everything which I recommend reading first. This is for everyone who kept asking for one so I hope you guys like it.
2 Months later
Jensen hurried to try and stash away the stray things he had lying around his apartment. Normally Jensen really wouldn’t give a shit whether or not his house was dirty because usually he was so caught up in work that he rarely ever had time to even manage a glance at the junk around him. But tonight was special. Tonight was the first time Jensen invited Jared to his house.
For some reason it felt like forever. From that first moment Jensen saw Jared’s long, lean and muscled body leaning on that building, he just knew something special was going to happen.
Call him a hopeless romantic, but Jensen couldn’t help but always see hearts in his eyes when Jared was near.
He just didn’t know how to explain that to Jared.
It’s been 2 months since-as Mike likes to call it-his cherry was popped. After that, almost every week since that day Jensen has been calling and scheduling with Jared. Casual fucks aside, Jensen liked it when they talked first, when they sat down watched a game and kicked back a few...
Jensen liked intimacy. He liked being intimate with Jared. Ok, he just liked being with Jared. Where Jensen was shy and reserved, Jared was happy and outgoing. No matter if Jensen had a fucked up day at work or burnt himself with the coffee maker, again, Jared always sat and listened to Jensen like he was the only thing that mattered.
Jensen just wished he could show Jared that he was the only thing that mattered to him.
Jensen was so caught up into trying to make his house presentable that he totally didn’t see his heavy oak coffee table as he made his way to the laundry room. In Jensen fashion, he stubbed his toe on the god-forsaken table and howled like a monkey as pain exploded through his foot.
“Ow! God damn it! Mother fucking shit!” Jensen hobbled around on one foot jumping up and down cursing to no one in particular. He had to be making quite a sight…no doubt.
Because of that, when he turned around and spotted Jared’s highly amused grin, he completely lost his balance and fell over.
“Ugh…” Jensen moaned and blushed. Jared’s boisterous laughter rang in his ears.
“Jensen, what did I tell you about blushing?” Jared’s smooth voice asked, sending shivers down his spine.
The question only caused Jensen to blush more. “Ugh…did you see all that?”
“Most of it.” Jared walked over and grasped Jensen’s arm in a tight grip. He easily lifted the man and righted him when he almost took a tumble again.
Jensen scratched the back of his head and mumbled a thank you.
“Anytime. So do you do these theatrics often?”
Jensen refrained from blushing. He knew how much Jared bemoaned it and he wanted this night to be special and not get ruined by his shyness. “Unfortunately yes I do.”
Realizing that he just left Jared standing there without ever welcoming him or telling him where to sit, he hurried to get it all done. “Shit! Sorry man welcome to my house and um…sit anywhere you like…”
Jared smiled and plopped down on the sofa. “You’re too kind to me Ackles.”
Jensen smiled and also sank down into his sofa. If he scooted just a little bit closer to Jared who cared?
For awhile silenced lapsed between them. Thankfully, it wasn’t awkward at all. It was more relaxing and easy almost like Jared and he had known each other for years and this was a ritual.
Jensen snuck a quick peek at Jared’s face. Jared had his eyes closed, but you could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t sleeping. He looked worn down. There were permanent lines around his mouth and black bags under his eyes. Jensen wanted so badly just to reach over there and make the pain go away, to drag him out of his horrible life, and shield him from all the bad things. Yet Jensen just didn’t even know where to begin.
Hearing a heavy sigh from Jared, he bit his lip.
“Man your couch feels so good right now,” Jared moaned graciously and sunk deeper into the couches cushiony depths.
Jensen worried his lips and hesitated to reach out and lay a friendly hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”
Jared opened his eyes and looked straight into his. A half smile quirked his lips but it never reached his eyes. “Jensen I’m fine…why must you always ask that?”
Against his better judgment, Jensen blushed but never took his hand off Jared’s shoulder. He wanted to say because I care about you or I just want you to be happy, however every time he tried it felt like his throat constricted and his words dried up.
“So how was work?” Jared asked casually easily changing the subject.
Jensen shrugged. “Same old same old man. Why do you always ask that?” Jensen challenged with a grin. When Jared’s face spilt into a grin and he chuckled, Jensen felt like he had won the lottery.
“Man we got to start talking about more than work. So how about them Cowboys?” After that Jensen and Jared got into a lengthy discussion over the Cowboys and how they were so going to beat the Patriots come Friday night.
Soon sports morphed into goofy childhood stories, trips to the ER, annoying little sisters, past boyfriends…almost anything they could think of, they talked about it.
Jensen listened intently as Jared described a dog he once owned, and Jensen found himself actually tearing up at the pain that radiated through Jared’s orbs when it became too much. Jared soon changed the subject to music.
Jared was just trying to detour Jensen off of what he was prying at, which was years of mental walls built up. Jensen was just trying to make Jared happy and smile, but they both knew sooner or later buttons were going to be pushed.
It came when Jared’s shirtsleeve was rolled, revealing his wrist…Jensen blew a gasket.
“Man will you leave it alone!” Jared howled as he drew back his wrist from Jensen’s tight grip.
Jensen was left staring as he tried not to think about how Jared’s wrist was a mass of crescent shaped cuts and bruises. Fingernail impressions from another John. He knew what it was, knew what it implied…but he didn’t have to be happy about it.
“Jared your wrist is a mess man! And you…I…” Jensen stopped and blushed again. The words just didn’t want to come out.
“Jensen, I told you this before. If a John pays for a rough night of sex, then the John gets a rough night of sex,” Jared said slowly, obviously trying not to set Jensen off again. However not even Jensen’s shyness was holding back now. Every time Jared even mentioned a John all Jensen could see was red.
“I mean it pays the bills Jensen.” Jared added and Jensen just lost it.
“I gave you a job opportunity Jared! Sure it was a janitor at my firm, but it still better than-” Jensen stopped himself before he said it. But it was too late; the words hung in the air like a bad smell.
Jared was left gaping at him. Jensen could probably handle anger but the hurt look that resided in Jared’s eyes killed him inside. “Jared I’m-”
“No go ahead and say it. Better than being a whore? Slut? Hooker! That is what you meant Jensen right?” Jared whispered beginning to stand up off the couch.
“Jared I-I didn’t I-” Jensen stuttered trying to grasp the man’s hand. Jared easily drew the limb out of reach and backed away.
“I know Jensen, You didn’t mean it but face the facts…I’m a dirty whore and nothing else. I’m sorry that my job upsets you. I don’t know what you were hoping for but I ain’t no billionaire and I sure as hell ain’t a charity case.”
Jared sounded so broken and betrayed. Jensen stared into his hazel brown eyes as they misted over with tears. Jensen stood up wanting to correct his fuck up, but everything he wanted to say just wasn’t coming out. Kiss him you idiot! Mike’s voice yelled in his ear but he awkwardly wrung his hands together and stood there watching as the love of his fucking life walked out the door without a passing glance.
“Fuck!” Jensen cursed as he sank down onto the sofa and cradled his head in his hands.
“You’re an idiot,” Mike said for what was probably the 100th time in an hour. He was busy doing his daily crossword puzzle as he sipped idly on a martini. Jensen was sitting on one of his bar stools as he nursed his fifth shot of whiskey. “Don’t you think I know this already!?”
Mike’s eyebrows scrunched up like he was constipated but Jensen knew it was his thinking face. “Maybe if I say it enough times you’ll learn your lesson. Man I can’t believe you called Jared a whore! That’s just a low blow dude.”
“I didn’t!” Jensen yelled, his grasp on the shot glass tightening. Mike gave him a dubious look but went on. “I mean I-I.” Jensen shut up when he realized he really didn’t know what he was going to say. His brain was mush and all he could think about was Jared. It was a Saturday night and Jensen knew Jared was busy.
“I thought so,” Mike hummed as he scribbled in his crossword.
“Can’t you ever say anything helpful for once?” Jensen sneered as he drunk the last of the whiskery. He reached out for the bottle but Mike’s rolled up book hit his hand.
“No! No more whiskey for you.”
Jensen pouted and drew his hand back. “Spoil sport.”
“Jensen,” Mike said exasperated with his full attention on Jensen. “I know you’re smart; it shouldn’t be this hard to figure out.”
“Figure what out though?!? I just…God I feel like I’m floundering and I don’t know what to do! Man I feel so lost.” Jensen rubbed his temple hoping to get rid of the headache he could feel coming on. All he kept seeing though was Jared’s smiling face flashing through his mind.
“Jensen, I’m going to tell you this as a friend…namely because I’m sick of you drinking all my whiskey.”
Jensen shot Mike an angry look.
“Now listen, this floundering feeling? It means you’re in love dumbass and you don’t feel complete when Jared isn’t with you or some romantic shit like that.”
“Mike…it’s only been 2 months! How can I be in love?” Jensen asked incredulously.
“Hasn’t your momma ever told you that love just happens?” Mike shot back. “And you may not see it, but man, Jared’s so fucking gaga over you. It’s all he can talk about when I talk to him. Jensen does this or Jensen just said this or blah blah blah. Makes me want to puke really.” Mike said as he curled up his nose.
“Jared talks about me?” Jensen asked hopefully, completing ignoring the rest of what Mike said. “Really?”
“Yes really you’d have to be blind and deaf not to realize it.” Mike sipped idly at his martini again as he went back to work on his crossword puzzle. Obviously he was finished dishing out on his wisdom.
Suddenly the reality of what Mike said came crashing down. He was a dick. He’d tried bribing Jared off with money, which was never his intention. He’d implied Jared was a whore and then just let Jared leave.
“Fuck!” Jensen cursed again as his head connected with the counter.
“Don’t worry Jenny, not all is lost,” Mike stated sympathetically but really Jensen knew he had a long way to go to get what he had back.
Jensen shot off a quick text to Jared as he set down his groceries he just picked up.
Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Putting away the beer, he got out his grilling kit and selected a few spices from the spice rack. His phone vibrated and he hurriedly opened it to read the text.
Got an appt at 4 2day and later at 7. Y?
Jensen bit his lip and looked at the clock; it was almost noon.
I was going to grill some steak, figured we can have some lunch?
For a while no text came back and Jensen sighed, figuring that his attempts at an olive branch had been brushed away.
His phone buzzed again and he eagerly picked it up.
Damn u Ackles! You know I can never say no to a good steak! See you at noon.
Jensen grinned and felt like whooping for joy. He should have never doubted the power of food.
He walked over to the steak and stroked it lovingly. “You always come through for me baby.”
Come noon, the house began to smell like freshly grilled steaks. Jensen’s stomach rumbled in appreciation as he took a huge whiff. If it was one thing Jensen knew he could do without blushing or stuttering, it was grilling a mean steak.
He easily served two pieces, well ok an extra piece for Jared, and got the table set up. Not even a minute later the doorbell rang.
Jensen chuckled and couldn’t help picturing Jared as a dog who could smell steak for miles.
Jensen brushed off invisible fibers and took a calming breath. What should he do? Just say hi, come and get it? Apologize and beg for forgiveness?
Jensen realized though that with him over analyzing things it wasn’t going to help matters. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
Jared was dressed in his usual attire for when he went to work. Tight leather pants encased his glorious thigh muscles with a tight shirt to match that definitely showcased his pecs and abs. Kohl lining his lips with a hint of gloss on. Last but not least, his hair mussed up to look like he just had sex.
Jensen wanted to ravish him or maybe get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness but he didn’t want to piss Jared off further.
Jared gave him a weak smile and Jensen took it as an olive branch.
“Well your steaks are waiting on the table for you,” Jensen said awkwardly, scratching his head and blushing.
Jared chuckled and took a long whiff; a delighted sigh escaped his mouth. “Medium rare with pepper and barbecue sauce. Ackles, you know me so well.”
If I knew you so well I wouldn’t have hurt you like I did. It’s what he wanted to say but he substituted it for an awkward laugh.
Soon they both were at the table eating. Between Jared’s happy noises, Jensen watched as his eyes seemed to dim more and more as it became closer and closer to four o’clock.
Jensen wanted so badly to just reach out and plead with Jared not to go but he didn’t have a clue how. Did he mention how horrible he is with conveying emotions?
“So…” Jared started, putting down his napkin that he used to wipe his mouth off with, hints of his lip-gloss now on the cloth.
“So…” Jensen repeated awkwardly.
Jared just started laughing. Gut busting laughter that dispelled the bad air and made Jensen feel better.
“Man,” Jared tried to say between giggles. “We’re both pieces of work aren’t we?”
Jensen laughed with him and soon they were both gasping for breath as their stupidity crashed down upon them.
The happy moment was broken by the chirping of Jared’s cell phone. It was like a flick of the switch because soon Jared’s happy, smiling face was replaced by a frown.
Jared dug out his cell and checked the new text message.
Jensen got the idea that whoever it was wasn’t anyone Jared wanted to see because Jared’s upbeat mood depleted. His shoulders drooped, his eyes took on a haunted look, and his lip wobbled a bit.
“Uh…that was my John; I have to go soon. Can I freshen up in your bathroom?” Jared asked hesitantly.
“Of course,” Jensen replied easily, watching as Jared got up and walked to the bathroom.
This is it Ackles. Jared’s about to leave…now’s the time to tell him how you feel how you felt all along. Jensen’s inner voice argued.
He bit his lip and tried to stand up but found his legs wobbled too much and his heart was thudding too loudly to even think. He sat back down with a sigh and cradled his head in his hands. Once again something important was slipping through his fingers because he was too chicken shit to stand up for himself.
His solemn thoughts were broken once more by another round of chirping from Jared’s cell. He glanced in the direction of the bathroom and noticed Jared wasn’t coming out.
He bit his lip again before hesitantly reaching for the phone and checking the new message. His eyes bulged at what he read.
Hey baby can’t wait till you come over! God it’s been so fucking long since I had your sweet ass. And guess what? I bought new toys! I can’t wait to try them out on you. Chow baby, love Brad
This was the John Jared had the appointment with. He expected to feel hurt or maybe guilty for snooping, but instead he felt rage like he had never felt before.
Lust soon consumed him until all he could think about was this Brad guy touching Jared fucking using sex toys on Jared. On what was his.
He growled when he heard the bathroom door open.
Jared came out wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Hey Jen thanks for th-” Jared was cut off with a yelp as he was pushed against the wall. Jensen’s hot body pinned him there.
“Jens?” Jared asked, confused, but also highly turned on.
Jensen growled and savagely kissed Jared’s newly glossed lips. He tried conveying all of what he felt during that first time and all the times after and what he felt when that Brad guy texted.
Jared gasped but soon moaned into the kiss and returned it just as fiercely. Once they parted for breath Jared rested his forehead on Jensen’s. Jensen’s hot breath ghosted across his mouth and he shivered. “Uh Jen? Not that I mind, but you know I have an appointment.”
That only spurred Jensen on more. “No!” he stated firmly.
“No you don’t have one and will never have one again,” Jensen vowed, reaching out for Jared’s lips again.
“Jensen,” Jared sighed. He’d really hoped Jensen was over this.
“No,” Jensen said again shaking his head. “You don’t un-understand Jared. I-I shouldn’t have tried to act like you were a charity case cause you’re not one and I’m sorry I was an ass for that.”
Jared waited on baited breath for Jensen to continue.
“But I can’t fucking take it anymore, Jared. I can’t take seeing the light dim from your eyes or the bruises and cuts you come home with. I-I can’t stand the thought of you with another man,” Jensen pleaded with his heart on his sleeve now. His eyes were watery and he tried to will them away so he could continue.
“What are you saying to me Jensen?” Jared asked hesitantly, noticing how Jensen’s eyes were now glistening with tears.
“I-I…I fucking love you!! Ok?!”
Silence overtook the room and Jensen waited to see what Jared’s reaction would be.
“Oh thank fuck!” Jared cried out before kissing Jensen on the lips then hugging him tightly. “Fuck Jensen, do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that?”
“Wh-what?” Jensen stuttered confused.
Jared got that fond look on his face and cradled Jensen’s head in his hands “Jensen from the first time I saw you I knew I was in love. I was just waiting for you to ask me. That’s all you had do to.”
Jensen couldn’t help himself…he blushed.
Jared laughed and kissed each cheek. “Fuck but I love your blushing. You’re so adorable when you blush.”
Jensen blushed again but they were broken apart by the chirping of Jared’s phone. They both looked at it then back at each other.
“You going to get that?” Jensen asked.
“Nah I have another appointment,” Jared said with a grin.
Jensen leered and smashed his face against Jared’s, kissing him as if it’d be his last one.
Once they parted Jared laughed. “A permanent one.”
With that they both lazily kissed into the night, laughing when Jared’s phone chirped and chirped away.