Disclaimer: I do not own teh sexy boys
Warnings: Depictions of hell, brotherly love, schmoop? Spoilers for 6.12
Summary: The pressure exerted by the wall in Sam's head is giving him excruciating migraines. If only he would of told Dean that..
A/N: I wrote this for the ohsam comment-fic meme The prompt was simple enough and I know I wanted to do one. Prompt: Post 6x12. Ever since Sam got his soul back, he's suffered almost constant headaches due to the pressure from the wall. He tries to hide it, but Dean, being an awesome big brother, notices and does his best to help Sam cope with the pain.
Sam tries to hide it. He tries to pretend that there wasn’t a cacophony of mind blowing pain erupting inside his skull. Tries to pretend that everything was fine and was getting back to normal.
But the thing about pretending was, reality always comes back to bite you on the ass.
His Dad always told him that dreaming and pretending will only hide you from the truth for so far before you’re so lost in your mind that you don’t even see when reality catches up to you. Which Sam would blatantly ignore if it wasn’t so true.
The fact of the matter was, his head hurt. Constantly.
It ached to the point where he even had a few nose bleeds once in a while and it was becoming harder and harder for Sam to hide this all from Dean.
Maybe if his head wasn’t hurting so bad he would have realized that hiding things from Dean never worked if these last few years was anything to go by.
But life has shit on him once again and he was hurting, irritable and not in the mood to listen to this man sitting behind him talk his ear off on a cell phone.
It was 3:45 precisely-believe him he’s counted, counted every second as his head throbs harder and longer-they were stopped in a tiny diner outside of Idaho.
They were supposed to be heading to Bobby’s but it seemed like this trip was taking longer then ever before.
Dean was seated across from him and was busy flinging tiny spit-wad shaped balls into his already empty glass with his spoon. If it didn’t hurt so much to roll his eyes Sam would have done so.
Once again massaging his aching temples he let his eyes slip closed for a moment. His sleep was really distorted and altered now a days. It was way worse then it had been after Jess or the year where he did more research then actual sleeping. He just didn’t sleep. He laid awake listening to Dean snore while he tried so hard not to find a knife and dig out the pressure in his skull.
He wasn’t stupid. He had his suspicions. He was going to ask Bobby about it but of course he would have to be at Bobby’s house in order to do so and not stuck listening to the guy chatting on his cell phone, or the loud thump those paper balls made as Dean flung them about carelessly or the steady drip of the coffee pot. It dripped and dripped. Loud splats with each one.
Opening tired eyes Sam focused blood shot ones onto his brothers hand as he was ready to fling another ball.
Time seemed to freeze as the ball soared through the air.
God it seemed like Sam could hear it hitting the air as it went along.
With ninja like reflexes Sam snatched the ball mid air effectively crushing it and letting it fall on the table.
Dean just started open mouthed and Sam noticed with some relief that cell phone guy shut up too.
If Sam knew that crushing paper balls to shreds would finally invoke quietness he would have done that a lot sooner.
Of course being badass does come with it’s downsides.
His head intensified with just that one move. Just one tiny move.
Sam tugged painfully on his hair and could swear he was honest to god whimpering. He bit on his lip painfully and cradled his head in his hand hoping that gentleness would help the throbbing calm down.
“Sammy?” Dean whispered from somewhere to his left.
A warm hand settled on his shoulder squeezing gently. Asking, begging what was wrong so the owner of the strong hand could make it better.
But damnit it hurt. Everything hurt and Sam just wanted it to stop.
He breathed harshly through his nose and tried not to cry out in pain.
Never show weakness.
It was one of Dad’s number one rules. And Sam wasn’t about to cry out like a wounded dog in front of all these people. In front of Dean.
“Do I need to call a ambulance?”
“Is he ok?”
So many voices they were all shouting. Screaming in his head. He couldn’t take it there was too much pressure it felt like he might explode.
“Shut up..” Sam mumbled between clenched teeth.
“What? Sammy you got to speak louder. What’s wrong?” Dean whispered.
Sam could feel Dean’s hot breath on his ear, he can feel how tension-filled Dean’s body was at the moment, worst of all he could sense how worried Dean was. He didn’t need to see that Dean was freaked at the moment which was the last thing Sam wanted.
Despite Sam’s earlier mumblings people still talked. The coffee pot still plunked and the damn guy on the cell phone still chatted away.
Sam couldn’t take it. It felt like his brain was pushing on his skull and trying to escape out his eyes, nose and ears. He could feel sticky wetness as he finally bit through his lip.
He heard Dean’s swift intake of breath as his hand ghosted over his torn lip.
“Sammy….you bit through your lip?”
“I‘m going to call 911 now son”
“He’s not going to the hospital! Back off!”
“I said no! Back up, NOW!”
“Ok sir please calm down”
Sam lost all sense of what Dean was going to say. The throbbing picked up a even heavier beat and drowned out all the loud noises of before.
Then Sam blissfully passed out enjoying the peace and quiet.
It was the last thing he heard.
Sam had the feeling the world was passing by.
He was moving but he couldn’t figure out how. His body felt boneless as it floated airlessly.
Sam blinked from his current position on what looked like a bed. Sitting up Sam noticed with some relief that his headache was gone.
Looking around Sam was met with blackness. Not the kind of blackness at night with no moon. No this blackness was familiar. It was the blackness of desolation, fear, and pain. It smothered you and made you lose all sense of being.
Then a fire started lighting up his once black surroundings.
Horrified Sam made a move to jump up and leave but he was trapped somehow.
The bed soon morphed into a jagged table that dug painfully into his bare back.
Yanking on his arms and legs Sam took a swift intake of breath to note that they were chained.
Closing his eyes against the heat Sam mumbled quietly while shaking his head.
“It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.”
“Oh it’s real Sammy.”
Popping open his eyes Sam was terrified to see Lucifer standing over him. He wasn’t in the same meat suit. He wasn’t in one at all.
His body was disfigured and distorted. It looked like miles of melted flesh of all different shades.
Sam felt himself getting sick and turned his head to the side to throw up what was left in his stomach.
“Aww come on Sammy that wasn’t the welcome I was looking for.”
“It’s ok Sammy, get it all out.” Dean cooed gently as he held Sam while on the side of the road.
Sam started involuntarily puking earlier and Dean hurried to get the car pulled over so Sam wouldn’t puke on his seats.
Sam still didn’t seem coherent. His eyes were glassy and didn’t seem to focus on anything.
The only thing Dean could read in them was the terror. Sam was terrified of something and Dean ached to find out what.
Cause when he did he was going to flay the thing alive for what it was doing to his brother.
“You can’t hide what’s inside you. Don’t think I didn’t know silly.”
Sam’s eyes twitched uncontrollably as his chest heaved up and down.
A iron gag was now covering his mouth silencing even the loudest screams.
Lucifer stalked forward his array of skins sliding off the bone and sizzling on the hot ground. Sam felt like puking all over again.
“Did you think you can just block out all our fun times?!” Lucifer yelled angrily bringing down a knife onto Sam’s flesh.
Sam screamed but no one was there to hear. No one was there to save him. He was all alone.
Dean made heavy work trying to drag a delirious Sam inside the motel he just booked.
Sam was mumbling under his breath and his eyes twitched and rolled uncontrollably the only thing keeping Dean calm was Sam just seemed to be sick it didn’t look like the wall was busted or had cracked.
It just looked suspiciously like a migraine, and a bad one at that.
When Sam was all better Dean was going to kick his ass ten ways from Sunday and maybe run him over some with the Impala just for good measure. Didn’t his numskull of a brother know by now that they were in this together? For better or for worse and all that other bullshit.
For as smart as the kid was sometimes, Sam could be such a dumbass.
Laying his brothers gigantic body on the bed, Dean did quick work of stripping him of his many layers, taking off his boots and socks then peeling off his pants.
Once Sam was stripped to his undershirt and boxers, Dean then spread the duvet overtop of him.
Cupping the sweaty cheek Dean leaned down to whisper in his ear. He didn’t know if Sam was hearing him or not, but he had to reassure him in case he aroused while Dean went to get the first-aid kit.
“I’m just going to the car, ok? I’ll be back soon and we can give you some of the good stuff.”
Sam’s eyes twitched in response.
Dean sighed and patted the cheek gently. This was going to be a long ass day.
“Nuh……” Sam yelled mortified locking his jaw from Lucifer’s hot touch.
Lucifer was busy trying to pour a cup of demon blood down his gullet but Sam wasn’t giving in. Lucifer could cut him, hit him, break him until there was nothing left but he wouldn’t do this. Not again.
“I SAID DRINK IT!” Lucifer’s hands crushed Sam’s jaw to where it opened involuntarily.
Sam choked as blood slid down his throat. He squirmed and gagged on the table but all he could hear was Lucifer’s menacing laugh.
“Please drink some.” Dean coaxed trying to get Sam to swallow the water to take the pills but Sam’s jaw was thoroughly locked and any attempt to coax it open had Sam silently screaming.
Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose he was beginning to get a headache himself.
He had no choices left but this.
Pinching Sam’s nose he waited till he opened his mouth to breathe, Dean then took that opportunity to slide the water and pills down Sam’s throat.
His little brother gagged and tried to spit it out but Dean covered his mouth until he swallowed.
Once he did Dean sighed and rubbed Sam’s throat gently.
“See that wasn’t so bad? You’ll be feeling better in no time.” Dean hoped. Prayed.
“I can’t believe I even thought we were brothers.”
Sam sobbed as he tried his best to block out the hurtful words. Tears were spilling down his cheeks and instantly vaporizing from the heat.
“You think you can just come back and be welcome in my life? My perfect life that YOU ruined!”
“I’m sorry!” Sam yelled but it had no effect on Dean. Dean was pissed and when Dean was pissed he knew how to deal a crushing blow. Sam lay sobbing, his tears staining his face in a sweaty mess, and trying his best to block out Dean’s cruel words.
Dean sighed as he wrung the wash cloth and swiped it over Sam’s face.
It was now 5:00 and Sam still wasn’t responding. Dean called Bobby to ask or more rant and rave until he got answers.
Bobby said Sam called earlier in the week asking if maybe the wall was putting so much pressure inside his head that he would have non-stop migraines. Bobby told Sam he would check it out and call if it worsened but Sam never called so Bobby figured they stopped.
Haha funny thing they didn’t they just got worse.
Dean was beyond pissed he was seething mad to the point all he saw was red in his vision.
Not at Sam though.
Death never mentioned that the pressure would leave Sam with crippling migraines until he was left twitching and drooling on a bed with his brother trying to soothe him until he woke up.
Dean just hoped that Sam did wake up.
Rubbing the wash cloth over his brow again Dean whispered soothingly to his incapacitated brother.
“You have to wake up. I may not have known you were in so much pain but it’s ok to wake up now. It’s ok…”
Sam was cold, weak and alone. It was back to the suffocating blackness of earlier. Lucifer seemed to have disappeared.
Sam knew that was normal though. He was gone for now but he would return soon.
That’s what really terrified Sam.
Sighing Sam let his head lull hoping he could maybe catch some sleep he really needed it after the constant migraine.
Sam furrowed his brow.
Blinking open crusty eyes Sam gasped and bolted upright.
Sam turned to the side and saw Dean standing there with a take out bag in one hand and a coffee in the other. He looked confused yet glad all at the same time.
Looking at his surroundings he easily noted they were in some type of motel.
“It’s good to see you awake man.” Dean said cheerfully setting down his food and drink.
Sam furrowed his brows in confusion. Awake?
“What happened man I feel like I went ten rounds with a brick wall.” Sam stated holding his head and his seemingly empty stomach.
Dean laughed as he sat on the bed.
Sam let Dean check his pupils and feel his forehead. To tell the truth Sam was too out of it to care.
“Do you still have a migraine?” Dean asked softly.
Weirdly enough no he didn’t. The awful pounding that’s been going on for days was finally gone. “No I don’t.”
“Good.” Dean stated then Sam felt a sharp pain in the back of his skull.
“Ow!” Sam yelped rubbing his head. “What the hell you do that for?!”
“For being a dumbass! Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting? I would have fixed it.”
Dean didn’t sound mad he just sounded hurt. It made guilt eat at him for keeping it to himself. Suddenly all his excuses just didn‘t hold up. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I just…” Sam trailed off trying to find an easy way to explain this.
“Just what? Thought you were fine? You could handle it yourself? Well newsflash asshole you couldn’t.”
Sam looked up into Dean’s concerned eyes and sighed. “No I didn’t want to appear weak to you.”
Then Sam felt another sharp slap to the back of his head.
Sam yelped and rubbed the spot, glaring at his smug brother he was about to retort when he was drawn into a fierce hug.
“Just tell me next time geez I probably have gray hairs now.”
Sam grinned relived that not only was the endless migraine from hell over but his lying didn’t seem to effect Dean. Sam was still a bitch and Dean was still a jerk.
Dean pulled back and went to get up when a puzzled look came about his face.
“What?” Sam questioned.
“Did you have a nightmare of some sort?”
“Nightmare?” Sam questioned puzzled. Last thing he could remember was sitting at the diner.
“Yeah you were seriously out of it like twitching, eyes rolling puking out of it.”
“Did I say anything?”
Dean paused. Yeah Sam did he said a bunch of stuff that sounded suspiciously like hell but Dean wasn’t about to tell Sam that. If Sam didn’t remember then he was chalking this up as a win for them. “No I was just curious.”
Sam rolled his eyes and got up out of bed noting how sticky his body was with sweat. He grimaced. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“There’s no more hot water.” Dean grinned sipping some of his coffee.
He heard Sam mumble jerk as he slammed the door.
Dean sighed. The less Sam knew of his time down under the better. Dean was prepared to go to extreme lengths like breaking his own rule of no hiding secrets.
He would so anything for Sam. He wasn’t losing him again especially not to memories.